Late

August 24, 2020
0 Comments

 Late

It’s late at night I have just finished a week of my day job. This has involved just under 1000miles of driving and a night away in tropical temperatures. A night away paid for by someone else, brilliant. Imagine a 40-degree sweatbox and no sleep.

Just looked at Instagram, my favourite love to hate platform to see that the number of likes has fallen through the floor; again! Engagement is down again! And to be honest I wonder exactly what I have to do to get this platform to work for me rather than lining the pockets of Facebook executives.

This late at night I shouldn’t be doing anything except sleep, but I have this set of goal and for some reason, I half-heartedly believe that Instagram will help. It won’t of course. The truth is it is one of many strings that have to work together. This includes luck.

Ye gods my life has come to Instagram and luck!

Consider this

As I sit here, now, at his late hour I consider my future. My dreams and goals that seemed so clear not 6 weeks ago have got hazy as I try to make them work alongside a full-time job. Then it hits me. Stop. Just do the day job and be happy.

This is fine until I am back out in the rural empty parts of Cambridge shire, alongside a river just enjoying the freedom that the day job has bought. Those precious hours bought with those 1000 miles, stress and aggravation. That is where I am happiest. Wishing I could do this for a living.

It’s in moments like these that I sit and try to figure out if the plan is workable. Moments like these that are most dangerous. All the petty questions and doubts come flooding in. I’m not good enough, no one likes my work, I will never make it, the world is against me and there is nothing I can do except take the status quo.

I sit and try to figure out, what exactly?

The what, why and how of it all.

On my wall there is a clear note it tells me what I want in no uncertain terms. The constant reminder.  I can see my dream and every time I go out, I can feel and taste it.

The why, I am grateful for the job I have now, believe me, I am. With the huge amount of redundancies that are likely to be announced over the coming months so grateful. It does not stop me from having a dream though, and the perhaps, misguided thought that I will be happier working 24/7 in pursuit of my dream rather than the current 10 hours a day.

The problem is how and this is where I sit late at night when I am tired. Trying to see if the “how” will work and this is where all the aforementioned doubts start hovering around. This will never work. I’m not good enough. Why aren’t my photos showing on certain tags on Instagram? No one is going to know me.

 

I listened to Arnie today he helped.

Have a goal, a purpose.

Don’t listen to anybody when they say it can’t be done.

 

Please check out my Instagram site it can be found here. Help me to become what I want to be

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Rating*